Guilt Will Eat You Alive
by MMLA
Summary: Now hours later, he was sitting next to her bed knowing it was his fault she was in this state.  Only his fault.  He should have paid attention to his instinct and told her "NO". What's so bad about being a nub?  It keeps everyone safe.
1. Chapter 1

Freddie sat by her bed. He looked awful; he only had a few scrapes, but many bruises. The ER doctor originally thought he had a broken wrist when he first came in, but x-rays showed otherwise. His wrist was still wrapped up, a bad sprang was all. But he was also very pale. This wasn't from the accident though; it was from his worry and guilt over his friend's condition.

She suffered the worst from the accident. She too had bruising and scrapes, but she was also unconscious. She had been that way since he found her. Her doctor said she had a severe concussion, and they were worried if she didn't wake soon, she may slip into a coma.

Carly was sitting on the other side of Sam's bed. She was so worried for both of her friends, but now she was more worried about Freddie than Sam. Sam was a fighter, always had been, always will be. Freddie, he worried and over analyzed everything. She knew he was putting way too much guilt on himself, and she was worried what he might do. She wasn't sure how she could help Freddie. She knew no mattered what she said now, he would turn it around to put the blame on himself. But she had to try. She was at risk of losing one friend, nearly crying again at that thought, she refused to lose both.

"Freddie," her voice cracked. She realized this was the first time she had really spoken since breaking down in the ER waiting room. Her throat was dry and coarse from her sobbing.

"Don't Carly," he spat out, but won't look at her. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Sam. She looked weaker than he had ever thought she could be.

"Freddie," she pushed through, "stop blaming yourself. The other driver veered into your lane. He was driving straight at you. You had to swerve or you would have hit him head on. You had no choice. He was drunk. He's been arrested. He did this not you. " She was whisper-screaming, but knew if she didn't get through to him, he wasn't going to forgive himself. Yes Freddie was driving, of course he was, but that didn't mean he deserved the blame.

Freddie swallowed hard before he uttered his next sentence, "So whose fault was it she was with me on that road."

"Freddie, she made you take her."

"NO, STOP! Don't you dare blame her!" Freddie spat through clenched teeth. "I didn't have to give in. I could have ignored her. I could have walked into my apartment. I knew better, but I wanted to impress her. Show her for once I wasn't the nub she always accuses me of being."

"I'm not blaming Sam. But that's what you two do. You goat each other on. She harasses and teases you until you give in to prove yourself. You tease and challenge her until she gives in. It's not a bad thing. It's yours and Sam's thing. It what you two do. Freddie!" She nearly screamed to get him to finally look at her instead of Sam, "It was an accident, that's all. It happens and it's going to be okay."

Freddie just let out a sarcastic chuckle, and bored his eyes into Carly, "Sam could end up in a coma or dead. Nothing will ever be okay if that happens."

More tears leaked from Carly's eyes, though she didn't let out an audible cry. There was no way that was happening. Sam would never allow that to happen. She was going to wake up. Carly knew it, or at least that was what she had to believe to get through this night.

Carly couldn't continue speaking after Freddie's last statement. She just squeezed Sam hand harder willing Sam to wake up.

But all Freddie could do was replay that night's events in his head leading up to the accident.

~~Flashback~~

Freddie got off the elevator and nearly skipped to his apartment. Not really manly at all, but Freddie was too excited to care. He knew he could do it. He never had doubted himself once that he could do this! Spencer had his doubts though and let Freddie know them, but Freddie told Spencer not to worry. Now he had done it, and couldn't wait to let Spencer know. After all, it was because of Spencer's help he was able to accomplish his goal. Now the hard part. Letting his mom know what he had done. There was no way she would accept this chapter in his life. Hell, she's probably ground him until his 5th life, if that was even possible. Well, he didn't really need to tell her. It wasn't like he was going to do this all the time, just because he could. It was just something he really wanted to do for himself. He had always wanted to do this since Spencer had gotten his. Maybe his mom won't find out.

He rounded the corner of the hallway and was about to enter his apartment when the door across the hall opened. Freddie panicked a little trying to hide the evidence from whoever was coming out. And to his demise it was the person he was dreading that appeared in the hallway. Why her, why not Carly. He could handle Carly's interrogation, but not the blonde's.

"Hey Fredlump, what's happening?" Freddie had his back to the blonde, fiddling with his keys, hopping she wouldn't notice what he was trying to tuck away from her view.

"Ah, Freddly, what are you doing?" Sam noticing Freddie's uncomfortable stance.

"Nothing Sam, just trying to get my door open."

"No, you are hiding something from Mama, aren't you?" sarcasm clearly traced in her voice.

"Right, what could I possibly be trying to hide from you?" Freddie still had his back to Sam as he was talking to her. "I'm a nub remember? I would never have anything that would interest you."

"That's right, so why hide whatever it is your hiding from me."

"Sam, I don't have time for this, I have homework to do. So I'll see you tomorrow." Freddie hastily spoke as he opened his door.

But unfortunately he wasn't fast enough for Sam. She grabbed his shoulders and sprung him around towards her. Then she saw it. It was a helmet. Not a bicycle helmet, football helmet, or any kind of helmet she expected a nerd like him to be carrying, but a motorcycle helmet. Actually she recognized this helmet.

"Why do you have Spencer's helmet?"

"Ah-I-well, I just do okay?"

"No, not okay. What do you have Spencer's helmet? What could you possibly need it for? Ah, were you using it hoping to protect yourself from the football team's beating?" Sam said holding back a laugh.

Freddie getting irritated at her teasing replied a little harshly, "No, if you must know I just got done taking my motorcycle driving test. Oh, in case you care, I aced it!"

Now Sam was nearly doubled over in laughter, "Yeah. Right. You. Driving a moto-cycle!" Sam managed to squeak out between uncontrollable laughter.

Now Freddie was beyond irritated, he was downright mad. "Yes Sam, I've been taking lessons from Spencer for about a month and today I took my test and passed." Then Freddie pulled his wallet from his back pocket and ripped his license from it; shoved inches away from Sam's eyes.

Sam's eyes widened in disbelief. Freddie, Frednub Benson had a motorcycle license.

"What the h-, Benson! What made you think you could ride a motorcycle?" Sam nearly screamed pulling Freddie's license from his hand to examine it closer.

Freddie just struggle smugly and said, "It just something I've wanted to do for awhile. I've always loved motorcycles. I guess you could call it a hobby of mine. I asked Spencer to teach me. He was hesitant at first, but when I told him my mom never needed to know, he was in. So he's been helping me when Carly and you thought I was staying late at AV meetings. And today, I decided it was time to take my test."

Sam stared at Freddie with an open mouth, then remembered something. "Wait, you're 17. The only way you could even be allowed to take the test is to have parent permission. How did you get your mom to agree to this?"

"No, you just need a parent's signature, which wasn't hard to do. With all the college applications I've been filling out, financial aid forms and so forth, some of those forms require parents' signature. So I simply slipped the driving permission form into the pile. My mom didn't bother look at all the papers she was signing. She just signed on the line and I took it with me today." The smirk on Freddie's face was so pronounce you could have seen it miles away.

"Wow! I'm impressed. Is Mama here rubbing off on you?" Sam chuckled. "Look out, Freddie's a bad boy! Now you might have chance with Carly."

"I didn't do this to impress Carly. You know that."

"Okay, so let's go."

Freddie looked at her confused, "Go where?"

"You're taking me for a ride. I've got to see 'Motorcycle Bad Boy Freddie' in action."

"I don't think that a good idea Sam. I've never had anyone on a bike with me, it's getting dark, and the roads are wet…"

"Yeah, yeah," she cut him off, "I knew you would wimp out. Same old Freddie. No adventure streak in him at all. See ya!" Sam mumbled walking away.

"I'm not a wimp! I just don't think it's a good idea," Freddie yelled after her.

Sam's head peered back around the corner in the hallway, "Whatever Fredwimp."

"Sam," Freddie nearly yelled, "You're not going to bully me into taking you for a ride."

Sam took one step back, "Oh course I'm not, that's why I'm leaving. I was on my way home. You delayed me with your nubness pretending to be a bad boy," Sam deadpanned.

Freddie grunted with frustration, "Fine, I drive you home on Spencer's motorcycle."

"Really?" Sam smiled triumphantly.

"Yeah, yeah, let me get Carly's helmet for you."

"Nah, I don't need it."

Freddie got in Sam's face, "Yes you do," he said calmly but authoritatively. "There's no way you're going to talk me out of that. If you want a ride home, you WILL wear a helmet or no deal. I'm not going to change my mind on this."

"So you aren't sure of your diving abilities if you think I need to wear a helmet, huh?"

"No! I'm just not taking any chance with your life. Better to be safe than sorry," Freddie replied.

"Wow! You sound like your mom."

"Girls who insult me don't get a ride on a motorcycle," Freddie sing-sung.

Sam just rolled her eyes before replying sarcastically, "Oh Freddie, I'm sorry. I should have never questioned your driving abilities."

"Better," Freddie smirked back. "Let's get Carly's helmet."

Freddie opened Carly's door and called out to Spencer. After Spencer congratulated Freddie on acing his driving test, Freddie told him he was going to give Sam a ride home and would like to borrow his bike. Spencer was hesitated at first, but with Freddie reminding him how he aced his test and Sam's nagging, Spencer gave in. He handed his keys and Carly's helmet over to Freddie.

Sam and Freddie nearly ran all the way to the parking garage of Bushwell Plaza, jumping on Spencer's hog **(A/N: who doesn't know 'hog' is a reference to motorcycles)**. Freddie started up the engine and revved it a few time trying to impress Sam. She just laughed a little at Freddie's attempts to impress her, but she didn't tease sure he wouldn't give her a ride if she went too far with her teasing. Sam always loved riding on motorcycles, ever since her dad took her on her first motorcycle ride at age 5.

Before they took off, Sam told Freddie to take the long way home. She wanted to enjoy this ride for as long as she could. Freddie agreed smiling back thinking about how much he loved to ride. Just as Freddie was about to take off, Sam wrapped her arms around Freddie's waist. Freddie knew this gesture was not because she wanted to hold him close to her, it was to stay safe. But still he enjoyed the feeling of Sam's arms around him.

Being in Seattle there were some great scenic routes through the back roads of forests. Even though it was sunset and they wouldn't be able to see much forest, Freddie knew Sam would still enjoy the ride. It would defiantly take twice as long to get to Sam's house, and there would probably be little traffic at this time.

For most of the ride, Freddie could practically feel Sam's smile as she enjoyed herself. Once they got onto the deserted 2-lane scenic road, Sam got a little anxious. Freddie was driving a respectable speed, but Sam wanted to go faster.

"Hey, Freddie," Sam yelled above the sound of the engine and wind. "Go faster!"

"Sam we're going fast enough."

"Come on Freddie, live a little. Let's have some fun!"

"Sam…"

"Don't wimp out on my now. Please Freddie."

Freddie isn't sure why, maybe because you rarely, if ever, hear 'please' come from Sam, but he gave in again. Maybe he just wanted to impress her, so Freddie revved the engine and sped down the road.

Sam squealed in delight. Freddie just chuckled at her happiness. Sam encouraged him more; giving him a compliment about his driving abilities knowing it would give him the confidence to drive even fast, and it work. Freddie increased his speed again. Sam cheered even louder.

Freddie turned his head back a split second to look at Sam when he saw a bright light out of the corner of his eye. The problem was this light wasn't to the left of them as it should be for a car traveling in the opposite direction. It was coming from in front of them. This car was in their lane heading straight for them. And it didn't look as if it was going to move. Being on a motorcycle with only 1 headlight, Freddie was afraid the drive might not see them. Freddie acted fast; he swerved out of the lane, and Sam grabbed Freddie tighter. But they were on the back roads. Gravel aligned both sides of the road and it had just finished raining. The roads were slippery and with the gravel, it made it hard to maneuver. Freddie tried to keep the motorcycle steady but it was no use, Freddie felt the motorcycle was going down. Sam tighten her grip on Freddie even more, and let out a blood curling scream. Everything went black.

Freddie opened his eyes. He was in pain. He was on his back looking up. It took about 10 seconds for Freddie to remember what happened and then he was screaming out her name, "Sam!"

Freddie swiveled his head around looking for her in the darkness; repeating her name over and over. Freddie rolled over, but couldn't lift himself up off the ground. He was in pain and weak from the crash. He pulled his helmet off and frantically kept looking for Sam. Then he spotted a red blur. He just now realized he wasn't seeing clearly. Freddie army crawled toward the blur praying it was Sam and she was okay.

When Freddie got closer the first part of his prayers were answered, it was Sam. He called her name over and over, but she didn't respond. When he was next to her, he saw she was unconscious. Freddie cried out in fear shaking her slightly, "Sam wake up, please wake up, please be okay." His mom's first aid training kicked in and he checked her for a pulse and to see if she was breathing. She was doing both and Freddie let out a small sign of relief. Freddie put his arm around her waist, laid his head on her shoulder, and let his tears fall.

Freddie wasn't sure if he lost consciousness again or if life somehow sped up, because he only remembered a few events after the crash. There were many mumbled voices around Sam and him. Then he was in the back of an ambulance; he was in the hospital being asked many questions about how he was and what happened. His requests to know about Sam's condition were being ignored. He was being carted around to different part of the hospital for tests, which he really didn't care about. Finally after much yelling he was given some information about Sam. He was on the phone with Spencer and Carly telling them to come to the hospital. He was retelling the story of the accident to Carly, Spencer, his mom (who Carly and Spencer brought to the hospital), and the police.

Now hours later, he was sitting next to Sam's bed knowing it was his fault she was in this state. Only his fault. He should have paid attention to his instinct and told Sam, "No way, when the road were not wet, when it was daylight, when he had more experience." Why didn't he listen to himself? Oh yeah, he's a nub like she's always telling him. Sam would be home in her bed safe, basking in the knowledge of knowing what a nub Freddie really was. He would be in his bed regretting not giving in to Sam. But she would be fine. What's so bad about being a nub or wimp? It keeps everyone safe.

**A/N - So here's chapter 1. What did you think? This won't be long, probably on 2 or 3 chapters at the most. Let me know your thoughts please. And if you like it you can thank pigwiz, who encouraged me to take another risk on my writing. Thanks pigwiz!**

**And if you need a timeline, this would be before iOMG.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So I've re-read and revised this many times, so hopefully you will find it worth reading. Here's chapter 2; and I forgot to do this in chapter 1, so here it goes:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or any of its characters.**

_The next morning…_

Freddie woke up before his alarm and the first thing he noticed was he was hurting. Everything hurt, his back, shoulders, legs, arms, and even possible, his hair hurt. _'How does hair hurt,'_ he wondered. Normally, he would just roll over and go back to sleep if he woke up before his alarm, but being this sore, it was going to take him longer than normal to get ready for the day, so he decided to just get up. BIG MISTAKE!

"Ow, ow, ow," Freddie repeated as he lifted himself from his bed (painfully slow) and made his way to the bathroom. Freddie looked in the mirror. Now the evidence of last night's accident was clearly showing. He has many purple bruises all over; a huge bruise on his right side of his face; going from his ear and down his cheek to his chin.

Freddie turned on the hot water to the shower and removed his nightclothes (painfully slow too). More purple bruises were noticeable; the biggest on his right shoulder. He remembered that was the first part of his body to hit the gravel roadside. Many large bruises lined both of his legs, and his rib cage. He also had many smaller bruises and lots of scrapes on his body too. Freddie shuttered thinking of what Sam might look like today when he goes to see her. The more he thought about it, the more nauseated he felt.

Freddie step under the shower head, hoping the hot water would help his sore muscles. When the water became too hot to bear, he adjusted the temperature. After who-knows-how-long of just standing under the water's stream, he finally cleaned himself up from the night before and step out of the shower.

Freddie wanted to get ready as quick as possible so he could head over to the hospital. He wasn't sure what time visiting hours were, but he didn't care. He would just sit around until he could see Sam. While dressing, he silently prayed that Sam's condition had improved 100% and that she was awake and back to her old self. Freddie never thought he would want to spend time with 'Sam', but today, he would do anything to spend time with the Sam he knew all too well.

But Freddie also knew that his mom would be waiting. He knew she held back last night in light of the accident. But today he was going to have to face her rath. His mom wouldn't let another minute go by without a heavy lecture and probably a through exam of his injuries before he could go anywhere.

Freddie looked at his clock on his nightstand and confirmed his predictions when he woke up. It did take him twice as long to get ready this morning.

"Might as well get this over with," Freddie mumbled to himself. Grabbing his backpack (gingerly) he walked out of his room ready for his interrogation.

"Good morning Freddie," Marissa Benson said calmly and lovingly to her son.

'_Okay, she seems way to calm. Is this a good or bad thing,'_ Freddie thought to himself as he sat down at the table where his breakfast was waiting.

"Mornin' Mom," he replied.

"How are you feeling Freddie dear?" again in a calm voice.

"I'm alright,"

"Are you sure?" she questioned.

"Yea Mom,"

Marissa came to sit down at the table, "Good." She took hold of Freddie's hand and gave it a loving squeeze. "I'm glad to hear it," she squeaked out.

'_Oh no, she's going to start crying'_ Freddie thought.

"Freddie," Marissa started, "I want to talk to you about what happened yesterday."

"Okay," Freddie replied knowing this was coming.

"Freddie," Marissa began trying to stay calm, but really wasn't able to. "What were you thinking? Riding a motorcycle? What made you think that was a good idea? Motorcycles are dangerous, you could have been killed! What made you think you could even ride one or be allowed to ride one? Do you know how many people are killed each year from motorcycle accidents? Freddie, do you know what's it's like to have the police show up at your door to tell you your child's been in an accident? I nearly fainted! Never do that to me again, I only have you and no one else in my life." Marrisa paused to breathe again, "I – can't – lo-se you - Freddie." Marissa choked out the last part trying not to allow her sobs to take over. Marissa took 3 deep breaths before looking at Freddie again.

Nausea took over Freddie once again, and the smell of breakfast was not helping. "I'm really sorry Mom." Freddie couldn't bear to look up at his mom.

"Why were you even on a motorcycle? Why were you driving it?"

'_Okay, here it goes Freddie, brace yourself,'_ he thought before answering. "I got my motorcycle license yesterday and Sam wanted a ride, so I took her home."

Marissa's eyes widen in disbelief, "What do you mean you have a motorcycle license young man?"

God, Freddie hated that 'young man' expression more than 'Freddie dear'. "Yesterday I went to the DMV and took my test. I passed it and got my license."

"Freddie, how on Earth did you get a license? You're underage!"

Freddie took a deep breath, "All I needed was your signature, which I had, and they let me take my test."

"WHAT! FREDDIE, DID YOU FORGE MY SIGNATURE!"

"NO!" Freddie didn't mean to scream at his mom, so he calmed his voice before continuing. "I had your signature. When you were signing all my collage application, I slipped the consent form in the pile and you signed it."

Freddie still couldn't look at his mom. Freddie felt more ashamed of his actions than he ever did any other time in his life. He never felt this bad, even when he broke in and tried to help Sam vandalize the Petographers. And he would have gone through with it too, without regret, if the owners hadn't interrupted them by returning early to their store.

"Freddie," Marissa was beyond shocked at her son's devious actions.

"I'm sorry Mom. I'm so, so sorry. But this is something I've really wanted to do. I've wanted it more than anything; more than getting into my first choice collage, more than producing iCarly; more than anything. I don't know why, maybe because it makes me feel close to … him." Freddie cringed at what he just said. He wasn't trying to make his mom feel bad, by playing the 'Dad' card. But it was true, when he thought about being on a motorcycle, he thought about his dad.

"Freddie -"

"No Mom, stop. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought him up. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I should have never brought him up."

"Freddie, yes your dad loved motorcycles. He loved the history of motorcycle science, the different styles of motorcycles; the culture. But your dad never road one because he knew how I felt about them. And I never want you on a motorcycle again!"

Freddie didn't reply. He didn't think he should.

"Freddie, give me your wallet." Marissa commanded.

Freddie finally looked up at his mom. He took out his wallet without question and handed it over. Marissa opened it looking for Freddie's driver license. She removed it and gave Freddie back his wallet.

"Freddie, you might hate me for doing this, but I can't have you hurting yourself again. I'm doing this because I don't want to lose you. I want you to be safe."

"Yeah, don't worry mom. After what I did to Sam, I deserve what I get."

Again Marissa's eyes widen realizing Freddie misunderstanding.

"Freddie," Marissa gasped, "That accident wasn't your fault! I'm not doing this because I think you should be punished for the _accident_. I'm doing this to keep you safe." Marissa grabbed Freddie's hand to get his attention.

"You are NOT to blame for what happened to Sam. You were not in the wrong. That drunk bast-," Marissa stop before regretting her words.

"The police talked to the witnesses. Did you know there were witnesses? They all said the same thing. That truck was in your lane. You did everything you could. You – are – not – to – blame for this," she enunciated each word to get her point across.

"Sam is alive because of you," she finished off.

Freddie let out a disbelieving huff, "Sure."

"FREDDIE!" she yelled. "You are not to blame. The police are not charging you with anything. It was that DRUNK'S fault. He almost killed both of you!"

"Okay mom," Freddie still felt it was his fault, but after what he put his mom through; he needed to pretend to make her feel better.

Marissa let out a sigh. She had to stop for today. "Eat your breakfast honey or so you can get to school."

"Mom, I'm not going to school. I'm going to the hospital to check on Sam."

"Freddie, you need to go to school. Sam's condition hasn't changed."

"How do you know that?"

"Pam called to give me an update while you were in the shower," she replied.

"Oh, did Sam's mother finally show up?" Freddie didn't hide the venom in his voice.

"Freddie, Pam loves her daughter, of course she's been by Sam's side all night."

"Really," Freddie replied with disbelief. "If she cares so much, where was she last night when Carly and I were with Sam?"

Marissa's eyebrows furrowed, "She was in the waiting room with me of course."

"What?" Freddie asked in disbelief.

"Pam was at the hospital even before Spencer, Carly or I got there. She never left Sam's side, even when they took her for all her tests."

Freddie was dumbstruck. Pam was at the hospital? "Then why didn't I see her?"

"Freddie, you weren't really yourself last night. When Carly and you went to Sam's room after you were released, Pam left so you two could spend some time with Sam. She thought you would want that."

"Wow," was all Freddie could mutter.

"Pam loves her daughters. She just doesn't do public displays of affection. Neither does Sam. You know that."

"Well, I don't care if Sam's condition hasn't change," Freddie wanted to get back on subject. "I still want to be there for her."

"Freddie," Marissa started again more firmly. "You are going to school. You don't need to miss any school. You could ruin your chances of getting into a good collage if you have poor attendance."

"Mom, I have hardly…"

"YOU'RE GOING!"

Again Freddie stopped. He really didn't want to argue with his mom. So he got up quietly from the table, walked over to his mom to hug her goodbye, picked up his backpack and headed to Carly's to catch a ride. "Bye Mom, see you later."

"Bye Freddie dear, have a good day at school."

Freddie walked the short distance across the hall, knocked once and entered the Shay's apartment. Both Spencer and Carly were in the kitchen. When Carly's eyes caught Freddie's appearance, she frowned.

"Freddie, you look awful."

"Thanks Carly, I feel so much better now."

Carly hung her head, "Sorry."

Freddie let out a low sigh, "No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that." Carly just nodded her acceptance of his apology.

"What some juice Freddie?" Spencer chimed in.

"No thank. Hey Spence, I'm really, really, realllly sorry about your motorcycle. I'll do what I can to pay you back for the damages."

Spencer just shrugged, "Hey don't worry about it. I'm just glad you and Sa..," Spence paused realizing her name was still painful to hear not knowing when and if she would recover. "I'm just glad it wasn't worse than it was."

"Spencer, you loan me your bike and then I wreck it like I did. I need to repay…"

But Freddie was cut off again by another adult today, "It's cool. It's only a motorcycle, it's replaceable, you're not."

Carly nodded in agreement.

"Hey, it's getting late, why don't I take you two to school now," Spencer continued trying to change this awkward and depressing conversation.

When Spencer dropped them off at school, Freddie just stood at the front steps of the school thinking hard about his next move. When Carly was half way up the stairs, and realized Freddie wasn't with her, she turned around to find him. Giving him a puzzling look, she descended down towards him, "Freddie, is something wrong?"

Freddie let out a low sigh, "I feel like I'm in a Catch 22."

"What?"

"No matter what I do next, I going to be making the wrong decision."

Carly shook her head trying to figure out where he lost her. "What are you talking about?"

"If I do what I suppose to do, I walk up those steps and go to my classes. But I know I won't be able to concentrate. All I'm going to be doing is thinking about Sam. But, if I do what I want to do, leave now and go to the hospital to see Sam, I'm going to be hurting my mom, AGAIN!"

"How?"

"Because in a span of less than 48 hours be defying her once again. How can I do that to her?" Freddie paused for a moment before continuing, "But I have to see Sam."

Carly understood Freddie predicament, "So Freddie, what are you going to do?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Legal Disclaimer - The views express by Mrs. Benson are not necessarily shared by this author or any entity … yada, yada, yada. ****Just so you know; I happen to love riding on motorcycles. Practically everyone in my family rides them, Dad, Mom, hubby, and most my uncles, and I'm sure when my boys grow up, they will be too.**

**Well hoped this chapter was worth the wait. I already have the next chapter almost completely done (in my head at least). So I should be able to get it out sooner than I did this chapter.**

**Please review and let me know what you thought. **

**Also, if you haven't stop reading this long author's note yet, check out the story "As We Prayed" by _muchasfandomas_. The story didn't get many reviews and not sure why, such a good story; a little sad in parts, but well worth the read.**

**Until next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or any of its characters.**

_Carly, Spencer, Mom, Mrs. Puckett…Sam. Carly, Spencer, Mom, Mrs. Puckett…Sam_. As Freddie was looking out the bus window he kept repeating these names over in his head. All the people he hurt, Carly, Spencer, Mom, Mrs. Puckett…Sam. And yet he couldn't stop. Leaving school to visit Sam would hurt his mom (since she told him he MUST go to school today). And Mrs. Puckett would probably be hurt by his presence at the hospital.

Then he started thinking about Carly and how much she was hurting this morning.

_**10 minutes earlier…**_

"So Freddie, what are you going to do?" Carly asked.

"I have to go," Freddie replied. Carly ran down the steps and jumped into Freddie's arms pulling him into a tight embrace.

"I can't go with you Freddie," Carly whispered into his ear, "I love her you know that, but it just hurts too much to see her like this. Please don't hate me Freddie." Carly let a sob escape. She pulled back from Freddie with red, puffy eyes trying hard not to let the tears fall.

"I'll… I'll try to come by after school, okay?" Carly asked.

"I'll see you later," Freddie understood how hard this was for her.

Freddie walked off the bus 1 block from the hospital. Maybe it was from fear of seeing Sam so hurt and vulnerable, running into Sam's mom, or from his sore muscles, he wasn't sure, but his pace to the hospital was slower than normal.

Freddie peaked into Sam' room, and saw Mrs. Puckett sitting with her daughter. He was about to close the door and sit in the waiting room when he hear Mrs. Puckett's voice.

"Freddie, please come in."

Freddie entered but with his head down. He found a chair next to Sam, across from Mrs. Puckett.

"You know," Pam began. Freddie wasn't sure she was really talking to him or just talking, because she didn't take her eyes away from Sam. He didn't try to figure it out, he just let her talk.

"I remember the day he came home on that damn motorcycle. It was a Tuesday, and I remember hearing the engine coming down the road. I knew it was him, he never stop talking about wanting a motorcycle. No one in our neighborhood had one and I knew it wasn't some random person driving it down our block; it was him.

"Sam ran to the window and looked out to see her dad pulling up into our driveway on that damn bike. She squealed in delight seeing her dad. Can you imagine Sam squealing?" Pam chuckled lightly at her last statement. Freddie just shook his head in disbelievement. He really couldn't imagine Sam squealing at anything. She didn't even squeal when she was presented with the greatest meat selection and if anything would make Sam squeal, it would be that.

Pam continued, "Sam just tore out of the house and ran to her dad. She was yelling, 'Daddy please take me for a ride.' He told he would but he needed to get her a helmet first. She told him she had one and tried to go back into the house to get it. He explained her she had a bicycle helmet and needed a motorcycle helmet. He promised to get one the next day and take her for a ride. Sam was only 5 years old at the time.

"I was so mad at him for promising her that. I didn't want him to get that motorcycle and I sure as hell didn't want her on it, but I didn't want to be the bad parent AGAIN and tell her no. But I did rip into him that night after the girls went to bed about what he had done. He swore to me he would be very careful and would not allow Sam to get hurt, but I was still so unsure."

Pam pause for a few minutes before continuing, still not letting her eyes wander from her daughter. "So the next day when he got home, he didn't break his promise to her or me. He put that little helmet onto Sam's head, explained the rules she would have to follow to ride on his bike, put her onto his bike, started it up, and took off with Sam clutching onto him as tight as she could.

"Her smile was almost bigger than her face." Pam chuckled at the memory. "I was just a nervous wreck until they came back. It was only a few minutes later since he only took her around the block. Sam was not pleased; I guess she thought her dad was going to take her across country.

"But you know, Steven could never disappoint her. He promised her he would take her on many more rides and they would definitely be longer.

"In fact, there was this one summer when we went on vacation. Steven took his motorcycle while I was drove behind him in the car with the girls. Sam wanted nothing to do with the car; she just wanted to be on the motorcycle with her dad the whole trip. I was too scared and I finally put my foot down. I told Sam she could be on it, but only for short distances, not the whole trip. Boy did Sam throw a fit. Major tantrum, kicking a screaming. Steven wanted to stay on her good side, so he told her he would let her stay on the motorcycle the whole trip, but they had to let Mommy have her way. It really didn't surprise me that he made me the bad guy, but it still angered me."

Pam struggled with this next part. "When Steven… when Ste… When he left us, Sam was so crush. He was her hero; he broke her heart." Tears were streaming from Pam's eyes. "I hated him so much for doing that to her. Sam was only 8 years old."

Pam took some deep breaths and collected herself before continuing, "Last night was the first time Sam had been on a motorcycle since he dad left. She couldn't look at them without scowling and pretending she hated them.

"Maybe it was never about the motorcycle, maybe it was just a connection with her father no one else had. I think that bond they shared over that motorcycle made her feel special. When he left, he took that feeling with him."

"Freddie?" Pam was now looking at Freddie.

"Yes Mrs. Puckett," He now was looking directly at Mrs. Puckett.

"Was she excited, happy? When she was on your motorcycle?"

"Yeah, she was smiling and laughing."

"I'm grateful to you Freddie, for giving her that feeling back," Pam smiled at Freddie.

Freddie smiled back, but it really didn't make him feel better.

"Did she tell you to go faster?"

Freddie's eyebrows kitted together. "Yeah, how did you know?"

"No matter how fast Steven drove, and I often got on him about NOT driving fast with Sam on that bike, it was never fast enough for her. She was always telling her dad to stop wimping out and drive faster." Pam smiled and chuckled again. Freddie joined in the laugher.

Just then Sam's doctor, Dr. Martin, walked into the room. "Good morning Mrs. Puckett and …"

"Freddie." Freddie finished for him.

Dr. Martin pulled up a stool next to Pam, with a concern look on him face. "Well we have all your daughter's test results."

"Must be bad doc, you don't look happy," Pam replied with worry clearly laced in her words either though she tried not to show it in her face.

"Well, she had a moderate concussion, a broken wrist, some bruising, but… we don't know why she's in a coma."

Dr. Martin continued before Pam could speak up, "A person falls into a coma because severe injuries to the body or brain, which Sam doesn't have. We know some patient will also go into a coma from emotion trauma. Other than the accident, did anything happen to Sam that would make her not want to wake up?"

Freddie and Pam stared at each other seeing if either could offer up any ideas. When neither spoke, Pam replied, "Nothing we know of."

"Being in a coma is a serious thing when there isn't a reason for it. Comas shut down the body and brain, if Sam doesn't wake up soon, she could suffer permanent damage."

"What kind of damage are we talking about?" Pam asked clearly upset.

Dr. Martin let out a sigh, "Brain damage."

Freddie's eye widen in horror. "You said soon, how soon?"

"Well, if she stays in a coma for more than a week, we will want to start brain scans to see if any brain damage is evident."

Freddie hung his head low. _'It's all my fault, it's all my fault. Damn it, why couldn't it be me laying her, she doesn't deserve this.'_

Dr. Martin continued, "I'm sorry, I really didn't want to come in here to scare you, but I wanted you to know what we are dealing with."

"I appreciate the honesty. Is there anything we can do to help Sam?" Pam asked.

"Well, medically, no. You could try talking _to_ her. Not _at_ her, but _to_ her. There is no medical proof this works, but I believe it helps. It doesn't matter what you talk about, just talk to her."

After a short silence, Dr. Martin stood up, "Well I'm going to check on my other patients, I'll be back later to check up on her but don't hesitate to have me page if you have questions."

It was quiet for a short time before Pam spoke up, "Freddie, I'm going to cafeteria to get some coffee. I'll be back shortly."

"Okay, do you want me to leave?"

"Absolutely not. Why don't you do what the doctor suggested and try talking to her?"

Freddie nodded to her as she left Sam's room.

Freddie moved his chair closer to Sam, but couldn't think of what to say. He took Sam's hand into his and held it, "Sam…"

After sitting for a few minutes Freddie got up from his chair and sat on Sam's bed next to her never letting go of her hand. He leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers. "I'm so, so sorry Sam." A tear escaped his eye. "Please Sam, I don't know why you can't wake up, but you have to. Please Sam, I will take whatever punishment you want to give me, I'll even let you put me on the Wedgie Bounce if you would just wake up," Freddie pleaded.

Freddie sat up but didn't get up from her bed or release her hand. He told her about more things he would allow her to do to him if she would wake up. That led to some of his favorite memories involving Sam's best revenge against those who wronged her, Carly, and/or him. That led to 'Sam Puckett's Top Ten Pranks of All Time', which reminded Freddie of 'Sam Puckett's Best iCarly Ideas' and then some random memories.

Freddie didn't realize how long he had been talking until the door open and Carly came walking in.

"Carly, what are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming until after school?"

"Freddie," Carly looked at him a little shocked at his statement. "It's 3:30. School got out 30 minutes ago."

Freddie checked his watch. Had he really been talking non-stop for over 6 hours? Then he chuckled lightly thinking about what Sam would say about Freddie rambling on and on. His nonstop rambling should have made her wake up, just so she could pounce on him to shut up.

"Wow, I guess I lost track of time."

Freddie got up from Sam's bed so Carly could sit next to her. He told her about what the doctor said about talking to Sam. Carly nodded her head in understanding. She took over the storytelling while Freddie sat in the chair Pam previously occupied, listening to stories staring Carly and Sam.

Freddie and Carly stayed with Sam until 5:00 when Spencer came in and said they needed to get home. Pam walked pass them and thanked them for sitting with Sam while she got some coffee. Freddie smiled at Mrs. Puckett and hope she understood the smile was a thank you for allowing him to spend some time alone with Sam. Carly and Freddie said they would be back tomorrow as they left the hospital.

When Carly and Freddie were in the doorway talking briefly to Mrs. Puckett, no one was able to notice Sam's fingers twitching slightly.

**A/N: And there is Chapter 3!**

**I'm not a medical expert. What I know about medicine I learned from watching medical shows like E.R. and Grey Anatomy. So I hope the medical jargon that came out of Dr. Martin's mouth sounded plausible. **

**But I do know comas are very serious. When I was 10 my cousin was in a serious auto accident. He suffered spinal damage and was in a coma. I remember the doctors telling us the longer he was in a coma greater possibility he would suffer permanent brain damage.**

**On a more uplifting note, 10 imaginary points to the first person who can guess why Sam is in a coma!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, no one guess right to why Sam was in a coma. Guess I'm not great at dropping hints. Of well! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or any of its characters.**

* * *

><p>Freddie opened his front door slowly and there stood his mom in the living room staring at him. Freddie rushed over and embraced his mother. "I'm so sorry Mom, I really am. But I had to go I had to see her."<p>

Marissa just held her son, again just appreciative that he was okay.

"I promise Mom, I WILL go to school tomorrow." Then Freddie pulled away from his mom to look at her, "But I want to go see Sam after school, okay?" he asked.

Marissa let out a sigh, "Okay, as long as you go to school, you can see Sam after school. But you can't stay late, you will have homework to do and you need to do it. And you need to get to bed at a decent time. And of course there are your chores…."

Freddie let out a little chuckle at his mom's nonstop ranting, but then nodded his head letting him mom know he was agreeing to all her terms.

Marissa let out a sigh smiling, "Okay, just sit and rest and I'll get you your dinner." Not even 5 minutes had passed and Marissa brought out some soup, crackers and milk for Freddie. She was breaking her rule about food in her living room, but maybe a spotless living room wasn't as important as she thought.

Half way through his meal, Freddie reassured his mom, "I meant what I said Mom. I _AM_ going to school tomorrow."

"I know Freddie dear," she replied.

Freddie finished his soup and then went to his room. He started on the homework Carly brought to him at the hospital. Freddie tried his hardest to work on it, but his mind constantly went back to Sam.

_Why wasn't she waking up from her coma?_ The doctor's believed her coma was from an emotional trauma she didn't want to face. Maybe there was really something going on at her home that Mrs. Puckett wouldn't confess to the Dr. Martin. He didn't believe that was it, but if it was, surely Sam would have told Carly. Maybe the motorcycle ride trigger some memory of her dad she just couldn't get pass? I couldn't be school? Or him?

Freddie didn't get much sleep that night thinking about Sam. When his alarm clocked beeped, he rose from bed realizing he wasn't nearly as soar this morning as he was the morning before. He took this as a sign that maybe Sam was better too.

'_Could a day get any longer?'_ Freddie thought as he looked up at the classroom clock for the millionth time that day. But 3:00 finally came around and the teens were rushing out the school doors. Freddie was praying silently over and over that they would get there and see Sam sitting up terrorizing the nurses to bring her all the meat she wanted, but that wasn't the case. Sam was still unconscious and Mrs. Puckett was sitting by her side watching her sleep. Freddie wonder if she had gone home since arriving her 2 nights ago. Once they entered Sam's room, Mrs. Puckett made up an excuse of why she needed to be somewhere else and left. Freddie didn't understand why she didn't stay again when they were there. He wasn't sure if he should ask either.

Carly and Freddie each took turns talking to Sam. A few times they would talk together to her reminiscing on a particular story. Five o'clock rolled around way to quickly and the teens left Sam with no sign she was improving.

Too bad they weren't watching Sam as intently as they thought. Otherwise they would have seen her hand twitch a few times; her sheet move once when her knee jerked.

The next day, both were back again. But this time Freddie brought his laptop. It was Thursday, iCarly night. They weren't doing the show this week, for obvious reasons. And since they weren't doing the show, Freddie felt he needed to tell their fans why. Freddie didn't go into great details, just a few facts of why they were cancelling and stating they would return broadcasting as soon as they could again. Telling fans to follow their tweets to know when the show would be back.

Two more days passed, and Sam still showed no signs of waking up. Carly was panicking and Freddie was also very worried. Each day Sam stayed in the coma, the greater chance of brain damage. The words the doctor spoke just kept ringing in his ears. On Sunday morning, Freddie suggested Carly not come to the hospital until the afternoon. They both spent the majority of Saturday with Sam and it was really taking a toll on Carly seeing Sam so weak. Carly protested at first, stating she could to be a strong friend for Sam. With Spencer help, they got Carly to agree to come to the hospital after lunch.

With that settle, Freddie took off for the hospital. Mrs. Puckett would probably not be there much today. Mrs. Benson visited with Mrs. Puckett and Sam on Friday and convinced Pam she needed to take care of herself. Sam would need Pam when she woke up and was ready to go home. Marissa got Pam to promise to go home to clean up, eat a solid meal (she only been snacking from the hospital cafeteria), and rest. The hospital promised they would call if there was a change. So when Carly and Freddie arrived Friday night, Pam left the hospital, and did not return until the next morning.

Freddie walked into Sam's room and sighing in disappointment; no change with Sam. Every day he walked into her room, a small part of him hoped he would see Sam sitting up, watching T.V., complaining about not being able to find Girly Cow, because the hospital didn't have that channel, yelling about something stupid, anything. He wanted back the Sam he knew and _l o v e d_. Yes, _loved_ like how he loved Carly, and Spencer, and probably Gibby. These are his best friends, his extended family. Freddie came to understand, even before the accident, he did care deeply about Sam, and has for awhile.

Freddie took his place next to Sam on her bed and sighed deeply. Freddie felt like he was running out of things to talk about with her. Maybe he could tell her about all the nubby things he had done in his life that he's kept from her, maybe that would get her to wake up just so she could ridicule him. Maybe he could talk about his dad with her, but she may not want to hear stories about other people's dads. Maybe he could discuss iCarly ideas, or yell at her for running away, by means of this coma.

Well, that last idea wasn't his best and just made him feel even guiltier since it was his fault she was even in the hospital.

Freddie gave up thinking and just started talking. Freddie wasn't really paying attention to what he was talking about because this sliver in the back of his mind was working its way forward. He couldn't concentrate. He was just getting more and more frustrated with Sam for not waking up. _Emotional trauma_, so it was up to her when to wake up, _right_?

When he realized he was rambling on or not really making sense, he would refocus and start over. But over and over that sliver just kept forcing its way into the forefront of this mind.

Frustrated, Freddie stood up and punched the wall near Sam's bed. "Damn it!" he shouted out. When he looked down at his hand, his knuckles were bleeding.

Freddie crashed back onto Sam's bed, grabbing her hand, and letting out all his frustrations, "Damn it Sam, what is going on? Why the hell are you doing this? Don't you care you're hurting your mom, Carly, Spencer … me? I did this to you, I get it, but you're the one who is choosing to stay in this coma. Every day you get further and further away from us. Can you even imagine the pain we're going through; especially Carly? We made her stay home because seeing you like this only breaks her heart." Freddie bowed his head and let out a huff. "What is it you're scared of? I thought Puckettes were scared of nothing?

"Are you punishing me for hurting you? What do you want me to do Sam? Do I need to die for you to awake up? Leave Seattle and never come back? I will do it! I'll do whatever it takes to get you wake up. I hate that you…." Freddie stopped when he felt his hand being crushed. He looked down and saw Sam giving his hand a death grip. He looked back up at her and saw her eyes flutter. He noticed her squirming was causing her bed sheets to move.

"That's it Sam, come back, please, come back to me," Freddie begged.

She squirmed some more, her eyes opening and shutting, her hand that was holding Freddie's was flailing around.

"Sam, I'm here, just open your eyes, please."

And then Sam eyes finally shot open, but roaming around, not really focusing on anything. Freddie released Sam's hand so he could put his hands on her face and direct her eyes towards him.

"Hey Princess, nice to have you back," Freddie spoke softly, with a huge grin on his face.

Sam's eyes widened in horror. "LEAVE!" she sputtered out.

Freddie was puzzled not sure what he had heard.

"LEAVE!" she tried to scream out, but was hoarse from not using her voice in days. "GET OUT! LEAVE! I DON'T WANT TO EVER SEE YOU AGAIN!"

Freddie was shocked, but got up and retreated back, "Okay, I'm going."

"LEAVE!" she tried yelling again.

Freddie hurried to the door, but look back at Sam one more time before opening the door. She was slumped away from Freddie, shaking. Freddie was sure she was crying, but left like she asked.

When he got into the hall Carly and Mrs. Puckette were at the door. "Freddie, did I hear screaming?" Carly asked.

Freddie was dazed but answered, "Yeah, it was Sam, she's awake."

Both ladies' eyes widen in surprised and then rushed into Sam's room.

'_Well Freddie, you did it again. When are you going to stop hurting people you claim to love?'_

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><p><strong>Okay, sorry it's been a long time. But this chapter is crap! I have rewritten it like 20 times or more. I still not happy with it, but I needed to stop rewriting it and finally publish it. So I don't blame you if you're like <strong>_**'Really, that's it. This is crap.'**_** I feel your pain.**

**But a review would be nice (pretty please)**


	5. Chapter 5

**I had meant to get this out WAAAAAAAAAYYY sooner, but was having problems and had to wait for the wonderful **_**pigwiz**_** to get home to help me with it. A thousand thanks to you for all your help.**

**So here's the last chapter to Guilt Will Eat You Alive…..**

It's has been over an hour since Freddie left Sam's room. Carly and Mrs. Puckett have yet to leave her room, but 2 nurses and Sam's doctor have been in and out of her room most of this time. Though Freddie was sure they were just running some standard tests, he was just panicking. He wanted to know if Sam was okay, that she was still awake and would not fall back into a coma, and of course he wanted to know why she yelled at him and kicked him out of her room.

'_Well, of course she's mad about the crash'_ Freddie thought, but he felt it was something more. Sam seemed really hateful towards him.

Freddie saw Sam's doctor at a counter writing on a chart. Freddie walked over to him, "Excuse me Dr. Martin?" Freddie started.

Dr. Martin turned around to address Freddie, "Oh hello Freddie, what can I do for you?"

"I was wondering about Sam? Is she okay?"

Dr. Martin looked at him puzzling, "Haven't you been in to see her."

Freddie looked down, "No, I was there when she woke up and she was mad at me, she told me to leave and never come back."

Dr. Martin smiled and gave Freddie a reassuring pat on the back, "Don't let that upset you. I'm sure she didn't mean it. Sometimes when people wake up from comas they have different reactions. Some freak out since they have no memory when they first wake up of what had happened. Some cry, some are mad. We had 1 patient who tried to hit the nurse because she thought the nurse was trying to kill her.

"So I would say, go back in there. I'm sure Sam will be happy to see you."

"You saw her, how was she?"

"Well she was upset and crying a little. She said it was nothing, and to drop it."

Freddie chuckled at the information. He'd only seen Sam really cry once and that was when both she and Carly nearly fell off the window washing platform at Bushwell. Afterwards when Carly and Sam were back at Carly's apartment, Sam tried denying the whole crying episode.

"Yeah, Sam always puts up a tough front. But will she be okay now? Will she have any medical issues or long term damage from the coma?"

"Well, from the exam I just gave her, it seems like she will be just fine. We are keeping her a couple more days just to keep an eye on her, but I think she'll be fine."

Freddie let out a sigh of relief. All the worry and guilt he'd been holding on since the accident felt like was washing off of him finally. "Thank you Dr. Martin."

Freddie walked away, but didn't go to Sam's room. He still wasn't sure Sam wanted him there and he sure didn't want to upset her. He would just stay in the waiting room. Maybe Carly will come out soon and she could tell him if he could return to her room.

Freddie got his wish, about 15 minutes later Carly left Sam's room looking for him. "Hey Freddie."

He jumped up from his seat as Carly approached him. She started to sit down, Freddie followed suit and sat down again. "How's Sam? Is she okay? Is she still mad at me? Will she let apologize?"

"Slow down Freddie," Carly grabbed his arm to calm him down. "She's fine."

"Is she still mad at me?"

"She was never mad at you?"

"Then why did she yell at me, and kick me out of her room?"

"I think … I think she's … you know Sam, I think she just can't stand anyone to see her weak."

"That's it!" Freddie was a little furious again at Sam. She pushed him away and yelled at him because of her pride.

"I can't believe her. She's never going to see me as a friend is she?" Freddie stated remorsefully.

"Freddie No! That's not it. You're just…"

"What?"

Carly knew what was going on. Sam at first wouldn't talk to her mom or Carly, but finally Sam opened up to them about why she was so upset. But Carly felt like it should be Sam telling him what's wrong, not her.

But Carly felt she needed to say something to Freddie, so she just said the first thing that came to her. "Maybe the accident or waking up from a coma has her thinking about her life and her choices. You know I heard that happens sometimes. People go through something major and then reflect on their lives." Carly felt it was lame and cliché, but maybe it would do the trick.

"Yah, you're probably right, that's it."

"I think you should go talk to her," Carly urged him on.

"She doesn't want to see me."

"I told her I was coming to bring you back in. She didn't stop me."

Freddie stared at Carly, obviously dumbfounded. He thought for sure he would be waiting out here for days before Sam agree to see him again. "Okay."

Freddie pushed open Sam's door slowly. She was by herself, lying on her side with her back to the door. Freddie slowly walked in. He thought about walking around her bed so he could face her, but then thought that maybe that's not what she wanted. If she was shutting him out, she would not want to look at him. So not wanting to upset her, he just stayed behind her.

"Hey Sam," Freddie barely spoke above a whisper.

She didn't turn around, just muttered out a hello.

"Sam, … look, I'm really sorry about the crash. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I know you're mad at me for the accident and I promise to make it up…"

"Shut up," she cut him off. "Just stop, I'm not mad at you about the motorcycle crash. It was an accident and not your fault at all."

She still was looking away from him, but Freddie could tell from her voice she was clearly upset. It sounded like she was talking through tears.

"It was my fault I was driving."

"No it wasn't!" She screamed.

"Sam…"

"No Freddie," Sam finally turned to face Freddie. Her eyes were definitely red from crying, but she also had a look of something Freddie just couldn't describe. It was more than upset. "You're not to blame. I don't blame you. So just drop it."

Freddie let out an exhausted huff, "Okay."

Sam turned back away from Freddie. Freddie wanted to continue talking with her, but knew what he was going to ask next was something that might set her off. He knew he had to ask. This was something he hadn't stopped thinking about since the first time the doctor spoke to Mrs. Puckett and him. "Sam, your doctor thinks you were in a coma because you didn't want to wake up, is that true?"

"Doctors know nothing."

"They know there was no physical reason for you to be in a coma."

"I'm lazy and wanted some sleep," she responded quickly and without emotion.

Freddie felt frustrated and his anger returning, but he wanted to keep it under wraps. "Sure, just avoid the subject, typical Sam."

"Shut up Freddie."

"No," he sat down on her bed next to her back, but she still didn't turn around. "Why is it that we can talk about stupid, unimportant stuff, but we can't talk about anything serious?"

Sam didn't move or answer.

"Sam?"

She didn't reply. Finally Freddie stood, "Well I guess since you don't want me here, I'll go. Bye Sam."

She turned quickly, "Where are you going?"

"Home I guess."

"I don't want you to leave." Since she nearly whispered it, Freddie wasn't sure he heard her correctly.

"You want me to stay?"

Sam just nodded.

"If I stay, you'll have to talk to me. Otherwise I'm leaving."

"I have been talking to you."

"No you have been giving me snide remarks."

" 'Snide remarks'; nice vocabulary Benson." But when Freddie gave her a frustrated stare, she stopped smirking and nodded her head again.

"Okay," Freddie sat back down on Sam's bed. She changed her position and was now laying on her back looking up at him.

"Freddie, what do you remember about the accident?" she asked. "I mean after the crash. Did you ever wake up before getting to the hospital or were you unconscious the whole time?"

Freddie gave her a puzzled look, "What?" Sam asked.

"Well your questions. Sounds like you think I was knocked out? Why do you assume that?"

"Because you were. I remember everything before I blacked out. After I finally stopped rolling, I called out for you but you didn't answer me. I screamed your name like 10 times, but you didn't respond." Sam stopped and took a couple of deep breaths before continuing. "The woods were actually pretty quiet so I would have heard you, and I heard nothing, not even movement. Then I tried to get up, but couldn't."

"You were in too much pain, or too hurt?"

"No, I don't remember feeling any pain. I just couldn't move, at all."

Freddie eye widen in horror at her statement.

"No, I don't think I was paralyzed," Sam responded quickly realizing what Freddie might be thinking. I remember I kept trying to get up, but every time I tried, I… I… I don't know how to explain it. It felt like something was pushing me down, or holding me down. At first I thought someone was there with me trying to keep me from moving, but no one was there.

"But after struggling to get up I started getting tired. I tried to stay awake, but I just fell… asleep," Sam finished, so Freddie thought it was his turn, after all, he never did answer her question, _'What do you remember about the accident?'_

"I did wake up Sam. I don't know how much longer after you fell unconscious, but I did wake up. I found you and checked to make sure you were breathing and still had a pulse. When I knew you were still alive, I just laid there with you. Then after awhile I passed out too."

"Oh."

More quietness, and Freddie watch Sam bite her bottom lip, like she was trying to figure out what to say or do next.

Sam's eyes were filling with tears again and then she hurried blurted out, "Freddie, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I don't care that you yelled at me earlier, I'm use to it. I'm just glad your okay."

"No dork, I'm not apologizing for that, I'm talking about the crash!"

"What?" Freddie was confused. '_Why on earth would Sam be apologizing for that? She wasn't the operator of the motorcycle. She didn't do anything that_ _distracted me or interfered with me from operate the motorcycle, so why was she apologizing.'_

Sam looked away, "It's my fault, the accident. I should have never made you drive me home. You said yourself you wanted to wait, but I just had to push you into it. I nearly…" Sam paused to catch her breath as tears leaked from her eyes. "I nearly got you killed.

"If you had died, I would have… I … I" Sam couldn't go on.

Freddie grabbed Sam's good hand, "Shhh, stop Sam, stop. No, no, it' wasn't your fault. No stop." Sam was shaking her head frantically letting Freddie know he was wrong and she was at fault. "Look at me, please." Sam made eye contact again. "This was never your fault. I was driving, I was the one who turned onto the gravel. I was the one who couldn't handle the swerving bike, not you."

Sam shook her head. "No! I was the one that made you do that…bullied you 'till you give in! I made you feel like you had to prove yourself!"

"No, I knew what you were doing, goading me on. I knew you didn't mean anything you said. I just played our game. I wanted to take you for a ride, I loved riding that motorcycle."

"Stop lying to me Fredifer!" She yelled staring directly at him.

Freddie let out a sigh of frustration. He wouldn't win this argument with Sam, it wasn't her fault and he needed to get her to believe that.

"That's why you didn't wake up for so long? You felt guilty about the crash?"

When Sam looked away from Freddie, he felt he got his answer.

"So what got you to finally wake up?"

Sam thought for a minute how to explain this, but then just started talking hoping what she would say would make sense.

"What I remember about the coma is that I was always surrounded by darkness, and I just couldn't see, hear, or move. But there were times when a started to hear things… like voices. They were really muffled, like listening to someone's conversation through a door or wall.

"I was able to move towards it, I wanted to know what it was. Sometimes I would get so close I was sure I would be able to recognize the voice, but then it was gone and I was back in the darkness.

"One time I did recognize the voice, it was yours. So I backed away. I had my answer, you survived and I didn't need to worry, but I needed to stay away from you. I hurt you enough."

Freddie let out another frustrated sigh. _'Again with this stupid guilt,'_ Freddie thought. _'When did Sam turn into this person? Oh right, when I made her this person the night of the crash.'_

Freddie was about to protest, when Sam started again.

"Well, today I could hear you. I couldn't really hear your words, but I could tell you were mad, yelling at me. This time when I tried to back away, I couldn't. That force from the crash was holding me in place.

"Then something in me snapped, and I decided I didn't want to go back. I wanted to fight back at you. As I was trying to figure it out how to fight back, that force that was holding me, threw me forward and that's when I woke up.

"When I woke up and saw you looking at me, you weren't mad. You seemed excited or something. I didn't know what to do, so I just yelled.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," Freddie smirked at Sam apologizing for yelling at him. "I was yelling at you too. I was so frustrated at you for being in a coma. I know 'dumb' but all of us were scared you wouldn't come back. You were missed."

"Really, by who? I'm sure the nubs in school were cheering for my non-return."

"Not really. Everyday someone, many someones, would ask Carly and I how you were doing. And they seemed concerned, not elated.

"And of course the iCarly fans were worried."

"How did the fans find out?"

"I put a notice up on our site that we were putting the show on hiatus until you got better. I just said you were hurt, I didn't go into details."

"Oh."

Though they weren't arguing anymore, both could still feel the tension between them. The accident was still heavy in their minds.

Freddie hated this, last time there was tension like this between them was when Sam came to apologize for revealing Freddie never kissed a girl. She apologized, they kissed and made up ~ literally. And they were back to normal. Freddie wasn't sure how to make 'this' back to normal. Then a crazy idea came to him. They should just do what they were best at.

"You still feel guilty don't you?" Freddie asked.

Sam nodded. "Me too," he said.

Sam shook her head to tell Freddie not to.

Freddie got the most serious look he could on his face and launched into a tirade, "You know you're right Sam, if you would have just listen to me, you wouldn't be here in the hospital!" Freddie yelled at her. "You should have just listened to me and waited until daylight with no rain and when I felt more comfortable, but NO like always it has to be SAM'S WAY!"

Sam was a little hurt and confused at first at Freddie's outburst, especially considering how he had just spent the last hour trying to convince her he was the guilt party. But when she saw his smirk appear, she knew exactly what he was doing. He was 'fighting' with her; he was letting her do what she's good at, yelling at Freddie.

Sam smiled slightly before launching into her own tirade, "ME! Who was all like '_Look I aced my test_'" Sam said imitating Freddie's voice perfectly. "Oh course you ACED the written test, any bookworm nerd like you could ace a written exam. I'm sure you knew the exact safe spacing between cars and bikes and how to properly stop, or slow down, or whatever! If you really knew what you were doing, I wouldn't be lying here with wires coming out of my body!"

"Excuse me! I've been practicing my driving skills on Spencer's motorcycle for weeks, almost 2 months. I even took a safety class. I know how to handle a bike! I may have made us crash, but if I didn't act immediately when that vehicle was coming right at us, you would have been squashed like a bug on that guy's windshield!"

"Oh clearly THIS," Sam said holding up her arm cast, "is so much better!"

"THIS," Freddie said touching her cast, "wouldn't have happened if you had waited even one day for a ride."

But Sam didn't respond. Both Sam and Freddie just gave each other death glares before each other burst out laughing.

When they got their laughter under control, all the tension, guilt, and awkwardness was finally gone. The past week's events felt like they are staying in the past, and both teens felt like their friendship hadn't suffered, as they both feared it would, but had only gotten stronger.

"Feel better?" Freddie asked.

"Yeah."

"Me too."

Then Freddie let out a long yawn.

"You tired?"

"Just a little," Freddie stated as he leaned backed on his arm to support his tired body.

"Maybe you should go home then," Sam offered.

"I'm okay." Freddie stated, but leaned back on his arm a little more.

Sam moved over on her bed and lay on her side so Freddie would have room to lie down.

Freddie took the hint and adjusted himself to lie down on Sam's bed, also on his side since the bed was small, but lay down face to face with Sam.

"Maybe you should take a nap if you're so tired." Sam offered up, with sleep in her voice too.

"Yea, you're probably right," Freddie stated again while he reached for Sam's hand entangling his fingers with hers.

"Freddie?" she said lazily.

"Yes Sam."

"Thanks for the motorcycle ride. I really did enjoy it," she barely whispered.

"You're welcome. Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me when I wake up, you'll wake up too, no more comas."

"I will, now shut up so I can get some sleep."

Freddie didn't respond, as he was already asleep.

**The End**

**So thank you to all of you that read my story and especially to those that reviewed: pigwiz, Ashlee Seddie, Flutter360, jhuikmn08, Moviepal, seddieforever16, Embrace Your Inner Gibby, bandgrad2008, VeVe2491, UltraMegaStar, PurpleFlower17, and samandfreddie38**

**I hope you enjoyed my little story **


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